I know they won’t approve it, and in my mind our journey with the school district has ended. I feel bittersweet. I don’t want to separate my kids now that I have had them at the same place; I don’t want two school schedules, two drop off times, two pickup times, two different holiday breaks.
But I also can’t bear to have Ryan go through another school year with doubts about the aide and their training even though we write in the IEP the aide must have training, we know it us just semantics “training” can be a one-day seminar to them.
I am relieved to be free of the monthly meetings that accomplish nothing. We openly discuss his issues, shortcomings and offer behavior plans that are never looked at. When we go back to the next meeting nothing has been done to “fix” his issues. Whatever progress he’s made has happened at home with us and Dr. Hunter’s therapists.
I am glad to be free of the fear they could change his aide at any moment. The language is clear in the IEP they have the right to change. And they have. It was like a revolving door for a period of two weeks. The aide assigned to us had some personal family issues. And instead of putting herself out for two weeks, she called in everyday, leaving the district little room to provide the same aide. It wasn’t their fault and I did sort of feel badly for them scrambling each day. But I did not appreciate the repercussions it had on Ryan. It was the beginning of his downward spiral. A beginning to what made us consider ending his career at public school.
The clincher for me was after the Thanksgiving break. I put their backpacks in the closet as usual for the weekend. And as it was a long weekend it was in there awhile. I hadn’t realized how visually significant that was to Ryan. When I got the backpacks out on Sunday he started to cry. And in his “broken” verbiage he pleaded to me.
“No school…no school. Backpack in closet. Backpack in closet.” He wailed.
In his short life, he had never tried to persuade me so vehemently with words. There were many times he used his fists or legs to show disproval, but this was really communicating with me. I felt my heart rip in two at the dichotomy of this: my baby was conveying his feelings so well! My baby is begging me to not take him to school…
“Well, that’s it. What do you think?” Dan says bringing me out of my thoughts. He leans back in the chair and stretches his arms over his head.
I sit silent still rummaging through my thoughts. I don’t have the energy to sum up all I’ve been thinking so I just shrug and think for a few seconds.
“I guess it’s what I expected. Just glad it’s out there. It feels like we’ve been lying to them or something.” I confess to him.
“Yup, we put them on notice and now we just go forward with what we planned.” Dan nods as if confirming his own words. Then he stands up. Well, I gotta get going. I’ll see you later.” He leans down and kisses me and walks out.
Yes, what we planned. We. What WE want…yes, it feels good to be back in control. I smile a broad smile with satisfaction.