This is freshly revised section…I am interested in feedback. I had to shorten the actual episode so I hope it makes sense.
Also, I am coming up on a month of posting to this blog. I am thrilled with the response, but still need more subscribers. Please make sure you put in your email and then once you get a confirmation, accept it! And send it on to everyone you know! Many thanks to you all.
I push the cart quickly as I can so we can get in and get out of the grocery. I realize this is the first time I’ve taken him to the store with me since we found out…found out. I say that like it was such a casual thing. Like I stumbled upon something interesting in Reader’s Digest…Honey, did you know they found a new species of beetle? I have to shrug off my mental flogging this morning.
First, I need coffee. After another rough night of Ryan not sleeping, I order a large size and head to the produce section. I give him cookies he seems content.
As I get to the aisle nearest the registers, Ryan begins to scream and thrash in the cart. I am a little startled and reach for him to offer some comfort. He wants none of this and to show me, digs his nails into my arm. He then pulls so hard on my bracelet, it snaps and beads are sent sailing in a million directions. I watch him, almost in slow motion, grab my coffee and throw it. It too goes in a multiple directions as it crashes to the ground.
I am now completely distraught, my chest is heaving and it takes all I have to not yell or cry, or both. Once I mentally count to ten, I am aware of the mess around me and am afraid someone will slip. I am afraid to move, but his shrieks are radiating though the store. I realize I have to abandon ship but I have to tell someone about this mess. I jerk my neck in every direction desperate to find someone. Ryan is now starting to kick me and begins climbing out of the cart. I pull him out and get him in a death grip on my hip.
Finally, I see a woman coming around from the check stand. She is smiling sadly at me. Oh, good she must understand…
“Can you help me? I’m sorry; he’s made such a mess.” I say trying not to cry.
“Wow, that is a mess.” She says, looking at the disaster around me.
“I’m sorry I have to take him out of here, I hate to leave you with this mess…” I look at her for acknowledgment.
“Whasamatta wif dis wittle guy?” She says in a baby voice that irritates me so badly I feel my fist clench. Then she does something no stranger should do to any child, especially a pissed off, autistic child. She starts walking her fingers up his leg trying to tickle him.
“Wooks like someone needs a nap.” Ryan kicks her hand away–hard. I know it had to hurt, but she doesn’t say anything. She pulls her hand down looks at me turning her head as if asking “what the hell is wrong with him?”
“I’m so sorry…he’s…autistic…” I say hoping that’ enough of an explanation.
She smiles big and bright. “Oh, that’s great!”
What the hell?
Did she hear me? I have one of those flash forward moments again, and wonder how often I will have to endure this stupid reaction. Is the world still so dumb to this disorder? God I hate thinking these thoughts…I just want to run away…
“Uh…okay, I’m gonna go.” I switch Ryan to my other hip, grab my purse and walk slowly through the latte lake.
“Okay, bye-bye now, get that little guy his nap!”
“Sure thing…” I wish that would solve it, lady, believe me.
I let a out a sigh and realize my arm hurts and I see four blood streaks down my arm.
I stare at it a second, and my eyes fill with tears.